Grace in Action: Practical Advice for Forgiving Others—and Yourself

Forgiveness is one of the most challenging, yet central, teachings in the Christian faith. It lies at the heart of the gospel—God forgiving humanity through Christ—and it is something every believer is called to practice. Yet, in real life, forgiveness can feel like an uphill battle. How do we truly let go of the wrongs others have done to us? And perhaps even harder: how do we forgive ourselves?

Let’s explore some practical steps for living out forgiveness, rooted in Scripture and supported by biblical examples.

1. Understand What Forgiveness Is—and Isn’t

Forgiveness is not denial or excusing wrongdoing. It’s not saying, “What they did was okay.” Instead, forgiveness is choosing to release the debt someone owes you, entrusting justice to God.

Romans 12:19 says:“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

Forgiveness is not forgetting; it’s remembering with grace.

2. Remember How Much You've Been Forgiven

We often find it hard to forgive because we forget how much mercy we ourselves have received.

Biblical Example:In Matthew 18:21–35, Jesus tells the parable of the unforgiving servant. A man is forgiven a massive debt by his king but then refuses to forgive a small debt owed to him. Jesus ends the story with a stern warning: if we don’t forgive others, we risk cutting ourselves off from the flow of grace.

When we grasp the enormity of Christ’s sacrifice for us, it softens our hearts toward others.

3. Take the First Step—Even if You Don’t Feel Like It

Forgiveness is often a decision before it becomes a feeling. You may not feel loving or merciful, but you can choose to begin the process.

Colossians 3:13 reminds us:“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Forgiveness might start as a prayer—“Lord, I don’t know how to forgive this person, but I want to obey You. Help me.”

4. Speak Truth Over the Hurt

Don’t suppress pain. Acknowledge it to God in prayer, perhaps with a trusted friend or pastor. David poured out his anguish in the Psalms, yet always returned to the truth of God’s love and sovereignty.

Psalm 147:3 says:“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Name the hurt—but don’t live in it. Speak God’s promises over your life.

5. Forgive Yourself as God Has Forgiven You

One of the hardest forms of forgiveness is internal. We replay our past sins or mistakes, living in shame long after God has forgiven us.

1 John 1:9 offers this assurance:“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

Biblical Example:Think of Peter, who denied Jesus three times. After the resurrection, Jesus didn’t shame him. He restored him (John 21), calling him to feed His sheep. Peter went on to become a foundational leader in the church.

If Jesus restores us, who are we to cling to guilt He has already carried to the cross?

6. Forgiveness Is a Journey—Be Patient with Yourself

Some wounds don’t heal overnight. Forgiveness may need to be renewed daily. That’s okay. Keep showing up. Keep surrendering the hurt to God.

Philippians 1:6 encourages us:“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

God is more patient with your process than you are.

Final Thoughts: Forgiveness Frees the Soul

Unforgiveness is like a prison, but Christ came to set the captives free. When we choose to forgive—others and ourselves—we align with the heart of God. We reflect the love that hung on the cross and said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)

If you're struggling today, you are not alone. Begin where you are. Take the next step. And trust that God, the ultimate forgiver, walks with you every step of the way.

Grace and peace to you, friend. May you live free, and forgive freely.

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